Retirement Experiences Part 1

I tend to wait until I have some experience with a topic before blogging about it, so now that I am more than five years into retirement, and officially turned 62 (!), I thought I'd share my retirement experiences to date. I used this quote in a prior blog, and found it applies here.

Several things are motivating me to write this blog. One is that about a year into retirement I wrote an email to a recently retired friend and have found myself modifying it and sending it to several more friends, so having it in blog form makes it easier to share. Plus, I have several friends who are recently retired or getting close to retirement, so I thought they might benefit from this blog.

Of course, no one's retirement experience is exactly the same, and it's probably never what you expect, but since I retired the very week of the Covid shutdown it was definitely different than we expected.  We had planned to travel and visit family, but since non-essential travel was discouraged I instead spent most of that first year at home. It's probably a good thing in the long run, because I had some intensive time in my garden, I got to play with my fabric supplies, and I got to know neighbors and friends better.   And since several friends had encouraged me to write a blog upon retirement, I got that started with the help of my son, Ethan.

First of all, the decision to retire. I had long planned to retire early, and as my career evolved and our savings increased, we were able to stick to that plan. I retired at the ripe old age of 56, and am glad I did. So many people wait until they are 65 or later, and I am glad we were able to retire with 9 extra years "in the prime of our lives". Of course, I felt guilty about leaving work, and particularly about giving up my product management role. The decision tree software that we built at InfoCentricity and carried over into FICO with the acquisition was like my baby, and I felt like I was abandoning it! Before I left, FICO made the decision to sunset it, so I felt a lot less guilty then. Soon after, they also sunset the Xeno product that was InfoCentricity's main bread and butter, and I'm glad I wasn't there when that happened. So sad!

I only keep in touch with two or three people from work, and that's OK.  I don't miss the work at all, and only miss the people every now and then.   Given that I was regularly working 50+ hours, it's weird to just "switch that off", but I do find that the skills that helped me be successful at work are still being used.  It's kind of weird to go from having a work life that is "run by your calendar", with 8-12 meetings and 100+ emails a day, to having a paper calendar on the fridge (and sometimes forgetting appointments that aren't on it) and having most all my email be "fun" topics of things that I've subscribed to.  Only once was I contacted by someone at work to answer a question, so either I did a great job transitioning everything or they are managing to live without me just fine.   It just goes to show, no one is indispensable.

I am REALLY loving having my time be my own.  I am a list person, so I usually create a list of things I'd like to work on that week over the weekend or early in the week, along with a meal plan and grocery shopping list.   I can see how those dish towels with "wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday..." could be useful to lend structure to the week.  We usually try to clean the house at least once a week, checking in with each other on what we think needs to be done and working on it together.  Rick handles all the laundry (bless his heart!) so he usually checks in the morning and starts a load if needed.  We look at the weather and other activities for the week and try to plan a hiking day each week. 

Hiking is something we started in early 2021 and I'm really glad we did.  That year Katelyn and I completed 7 hikes during her visit here over the holidays, and I blogged about each of them and summarized it here. When she went back home I was thrilled that Rick wanted to keep hiking. Hiking not only gives us exercise and something to do together, but it allowed us to rediscover all the beauty where we live.  I rarely went to the coast and had never been to Armstrong Woods or places like that.  Between our regional park pass and the Sonoma County hikers group on Facebook, we are always trying new hikes or going back to favorite places and trying new trails.  We've even begun incorporating it into our travels now that we can get out again. 

In April 2022, we did a 5-park 7-day trip to Utah, starting in Zion and continuing to Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reef, Arches, and Canyonlands. I haven't blogged about all our hikes, but there are some other National Parks and local adventures here.  It's great to have another reason to get out and enjoy this beautiful country.

One of the other places I've been spending time has been my garden. It provides endless entertainment, whether it's in watching (or fighting with) wildlife, learning about how to raise worms, make compost, or grow food more successfully.  A couple of years ago I became involved in an organization called Deviled Eggery, started by Mary Beth Leland who is a teacher at Casa.  She started a garden network, to share our learning and grow food for Una Vida, the non-profit that I volunteer for that runs six food distributions a month.  I regularly take in my extra produce and/or collect it from others who are growing a garden.

 I have also done some gleaning with an organization called Farm to Pantry (based in Healdsburg) who donates to various food insecure groups.  It feels good to help pick or grow healthy food for people and deliver it to them through Una Vida.  I figure for the next 10-20 years at least I can be active enough to do these things, so I might as well do them while I can.

In retirement, I really wanted to develop a regular exercise routine, but I do better with "structure" so I had a hard time during Covid doing things on my own.  Prior to retirement I was in Curves and Jazzercise, and while the Curves instructor did an outdoor class, Jazzercise only offered an online option during Covid. After we were able to meet in person, I subscribed again, but the schedule was limited and I found myself not going often enough to make it worth it.

I also learned from my friend Sue Rice, who is 95 and very spry, about a water aerobics class offered at our local city pool.   My friend Kimi recently introduced me to a class called "Total Body Fitness" through our local Parks and Rec, so I am going to that 2-3 times a week. If I can't attend classes I try to fit in a morning walk. The hills around our house really give you a workout!

I am really focused on staying strong and being aware of my body and how it's feeling.  Toward the end of my time working I ended up with a frozen shoulder, which came on me slowly but ended up being extremely debilitating.  I was in physical therapy for about 9 months and that helped. I learned exercises to make my shoulders stronger so I am less likely to have the issue in the future.  My post-breast-cancer medication also has a side-effect of reducing bone density, so that gives me even more motivation to do weight-bearing exercise. Between that and seeing my Mom become wheelchair bound, I am determined to do what I can to remain strong and mobile.

I used to do a lot of crafts, but between work and kids I hadn't done much in the last two decades.  I rediscovered my craft supplies, and slowly took over my daughter's bedroom to use it as a combo craft room/office.  She lives on the East Coast, and as long as she has her bed and room for her clothes when she's home she doesn't mind.  Last year when I had Covid I moved my sewing machine over to the FROG, and like thata even better. I can spread out all my materials for the various projects I am working on, and I can leave it set up without it bothering anyone. I try to make a special quilt for each child. Below is a photo of the one I made Katelyn a few years ago. I tried to capture some of my learning in this blog.

I have 5 tote boxes of fabric, so I have been making quilts for friends, family, and those with new babies.  I have also been cross-stitching again.  I found I was able to make things that are useful, like potholders and cooling neck wraps and lavender pillows with very little expense because I have most of the supplies.  Early on in the pandemic my daughter-in-law's teenage (girl) cousins visited, and they're both very crafty, so I found pleasure in teaching them to embroider and they loved playing with my supplies.  I think that experience kind of re-awakened my "craft gene" and I've been going strong since.

I joined the Methodist Church here in town, again finding time for something I had been missing in my adult life (religious studies).  In addition to weekly church and a new social connection, I have served on the board of trustees, and greatly enjoy working with the quilt group and meeting with the book club.  For a couple of years during the pandemic I was running a virtual rummage sale through the Facebook marketplace (since they had collected rummage but couldn't do an in-person sale) but I gave that up, wanting to find time for other activities.  I found it caused me to feel "tied down" and on Facebook all the time, and I didn't like that.   Plus we were able to go back to "in person" rummage sales.

For awhile I volunteered at Una Vida's Tuesday market, and found other enjoyable activities connected to that, like helping at the semi-annual clothing giveaway. I was on the team that picked up and sorted the Crumbl Cookies that were donated 6 days a week, but that was really bad for my waistline, and they had no trouble replacing me when I gave that up! Nowadays, I am helping at the "Community Closet", facilitating a connection between the church and Una Vida's use of two rooms there to run a free clothing store.   What I have found is that by volunteering for the right organizations, you can build a social network and help contribute to the community in a positive way. My organization and communication skills come in handy, too.

I originally planned to visit family more often, since my 6 siblings are all older and many have limited travel ability.  Covid put a damper on that, but we have made several trips to visit siblings in different parts of the state, or in Oregon/Montana where two of them live.  We have a weekly "sister's call" and I have a call almost every week with my brother. We started writing a family memories document together but now we just catch up. I also write regular letters to several sisters who like to keep caught up that way.  I find writing and receiving letters to be really enjoyable now that I have the time.  It's like a visit that you can reread! 

My kids are mostly on their own, and blessedly all of them finished college. Brian and his wife Anujin were able to buy a house in Sonoma, and live there with their two children. Katelyn is on the East Coast, and now that she is marrying an East Coast man it looks likely she'll stay there. Ethan is job-hunting, so his next city destination is still unknown. Long ago I realized I couldn't live near all of them, but my hope is to live near at least one of them! We have begun the process of 'city shopping', and one of our criteria is to live within an hour of a major airport so that we can get to them or they can get to us.

One of the most enjoyable things about being retired is being able to spend time with grandchildren. I now understand the motto "if I'd known how fun it was to have grandchildren I would have done that first!". This topic is worth a whole blog series on it's own, so I'll try to make progress on that. Suffice it to say that with Austin turning 3 later this month I have greatly enjoyed the days we get to spend together. He is a little sponge, and loves to garden, read books, play outside, or do most anything we want to do. I can't wait to see what future years bring, and hope to spend significant quality time with future grandchildren as well.

Marriage is definitely different from the time we were both working full-time with 3 kids at home.  I look back and don't know how we used to do that!  While I have a number of outside activities, Rick keeps busy with projects around the house, his favorite TV shows or reading/doing crosswords in addition to our hikes and outdoor yard work activities.  We work together but try to also make sure we fit in some fun.    I have to say, it's pure heaven to be able to laze around in bed and drink coffee on a cold foggy morning, or knock off early and enjoy some wine and cheese after a busy afternoon of projects.  I am blessed with a husband with whom I WANT to spend almost 24 hours a day!

I am also learning about the importance of quality people in your life. I had the pleasure of building a great base of friends here in Petaluma, and I am adding to it every day. My recent experience with breast cancer had me start a Caring Bridge Account, and every time I log in I am reminded of all the people I have in my life that care about me. It brings to mind the quote by John Lennon: "Count your age by friends, not years".

Here is a recent snapshot of my Caring Bridge visitors:

The list above shows a representative set of people in my life, friends from work, friends from school, relatives, friends from PWC, and the grandma of my mentee. If that's not a sampling of the great people I know in my life I don't know what is!

I don't know if my experience is typical. I am finding that over time, retirement continues to evolve.  I try to be cognizant of activities I enjoy and do more of them, find time to "give back" whether by sharing with friends and neighbors or by volunteering, spending quality time with family, keeping up with an exercise program, and treating myself to activities like reading or writing letters.  One of the bosses I had in my work life had the concept of "3 things" being a way to maintain focus, so as a company we had three initiatives, as employees we had 3 goals in our performance reviews, etc.  I've taken that to a lower level in my own life, and try to have "three things" in mind to get done each day. My goal is to have it be a mix of "me" time/healthy activities/family/home/community.  As long as I keep covering the bases I feel good.  One of the lovely things about retirement is that there is always tomorrow!