If you were to peruse my blogs in order of writing them, you can see how my interests vary over time. The latest thing taking my time is helping my daughter, Katelyn, shop for wedding venues. She recently became engaged, and we are rapidly learning about planning a wedding. The first thing we learned is you need to figure out your estimated guest count and budget, then shop for venues. Until you know where you're getting married, you can't really pick a wedding date and get started on the rest!
There are so many things that have changed since Rick and I got married. Since I was raised in Mariposa near Yosemite, and my brother had recently married at Glacier Point, it was a natural venue for Rick and I when we got married in 1993. If I recall, he proposed, we briefly discussed it, I called the appropriate parties and learned that there are 4 places you could get married in Yosemite, we picked one that was available in the following spring, paid our $50 permit, and wa-la, we were done!
Since Katelyn now lives in Washington, D.C., many of her friends are there. Her fiance Sam's family is on the East Coast, so she is considering getting married there. But California is still near and dear to her heart, and many of my family are here, so she is also considering getting married here and having a second reception on the East Coast. Thus she and Sam are researching venues there, and I'm her "feet and ears on the ground" here in CA. In the last three weeks I've toured 10 venues in person, and have learned a lot! I thought I would share that learning with you all here.
Before we get to that, I thought I'd share the engagement news, since that is also something that has changed a lot since it happened to me. Apparently, this is an event in itself, and is often photographed and celebrated with a party. Many people schedule a photographer to record the event, and use the photos in their "save the date" message. We knew that Katelyn had designed her engagement and wedding rings, since she had specific ideas of what she wanted. That also eliminates the need for the future groom to sleuth out her ring size, since this isn't something that's easily figured out. She wanted a lab grown diamond, and shared the mock-up of the ring some months ago. So we knew there was something afoot. Sam called us over the summer, and asked our permission (very sweet of him!). So we knew it was coming.
When Katelyn texted us from their vacation in Spain, asking for a call "when we had time", we thought this might be THE CALL. Yep, it was! Brilliant Sam had scheduled a "couples photo shoot" for early in the morning, and thus was able to capture the big moment as well as many other great photos of them. Katelyn said she turned around and there he was, down on one knee.
Not only did they get engaged and capture it in this beautiful set of photos, but Katelyn had made a reservation for a very special dinner that night as a belated birthday gift for Sam, so they were able to celebrate the big event that very night! It was one of those many-course dinners that took four hours, so was a special occasion indeed.
When they returned from vacation, Katelyn wanted some time to "just enjoy being engaged", but shortly after that we started searching for venues. I had a few ideas gathered from friends; Katelyn had more that she had gathered from various internet sources, so armed with the answers to "how many guests and what's your budget" we started looking.
Around the same time we asked two neighbors for their input regarding sites. Our next door neighbor is a wedding photographer, so we figured she could review the list we had and give input, plus tell us about any of her favorites that would work with the intimate group Katelyn planned. I also asked our neighbor, a flower farmer, who often designs wedding floral arrangements. So nice to be surrounded by experts! I appreciated that they fit time into their busy schedules to give us input. This added a few more to our list.
Of course, as one does these days, we shared information via a Google sheet. After I toured each venue, I would upload the photos I took to a folder, and type up my notes in a document that got loaded into that same folder. As time allowed, we would discuss the venues by phone. My tours included the following:
Bodega Bay Secret Garden (BBSG)
Rosewood
Deer Park Villa
Vine Hill House
Hall of the Above
Deerfield Ranch
Straus Home Ranch
Gloria Ferrar
Abbot's Passage
Gunlach Bundshu (GunBun)
In the interest of keeping this informative and helpful, instead of telling you about each venue, I thought I'd summarize the categories of information I learned. Katelyn has asked me to capture the "vibe" of each venue, but that's hard to easily categorize. I came up with the following areas of interest:
Natural Beauty
Most venues have something that make the place beautiful, or no one would want to get married there. For instance, in Bodega Bay the venue is all under trees, most of them redwoods. Since Katelyn LOVES redwoods this is a big plus. But as the venue liaison said "Bodega Bay has it's own microclimate", and being in the shade all the time would make it cool. Also being on the coast makes it cooler than most of the other venues. Knowing Katelyn, I imagined she would be cold all the time! So that put this venue lower on the list. But the tour guide was very organized, presented me with a written list of everything that came with the venue, and a set of dates that were currently available. I started to realize how much STUFF you need to rent if you get married outdoors, from dining tables and chairs to tables for cocktail hour, dessert, and gifts. He also pointed out that the restrooms were near the entrance, but the bride needs her own since she is getting ready for hours and doesn't want to wander through the arriving guests to use the restroom. As I wandered through the small venue, I could definitely picture how the event would flow, where people would sit for the ceremony vs. dinner vs. dancing. At this particular venue, the tour guide was also available as a DJ, and since he could store all his equipment onsite he claimed to be less expensive than others. So many things to think about! But as it relates to natural beauty, this one was high on the list. It would not need very much in the way of "decorating", although some of the natural plants looked "tired" this late in the season. Here are photos from Bodega Bay Secret Garden - you can see how beautiful it was!
While I will be talking in more detail about some of the other venues later, here is a sampling of photos so you can see the unique beauty offered by many of them.
Proximity
When Brian got married in St. Helena, I experienced the convenience of the location from Petaluma, but I also realized that it's important for the guests to find a place to stay and drive to the venue (and more importantly, FROM the venue) safely. BBSG had an advantage here because there are many rental properties in the immediate area since it is a vacation destination for many. Plus, I could imagine visitors to the area exploring the coastline, eating local seafood, and renting an AirBNB for before and after wedding family gatherings. But, it's not that convenient to get to, and for guests that didn't stay in the immediate area, driving home could be hazardous as it's dark and the roads are curvy. The next venue I toured was Rosewood, and that's where I learned that often people will shuttle their guests to the venue. Something else to think about, and this would likely be a requirement for remote venues that didn't have housing nearby.
Limitations
In some venues, you HAVE to use their wedding planner or their caterer. The more I toured, the more I gained an appreciation for how helpful that would be. For instance, the Vine Hill House outside Sebastopol has very specific places for the DJ to install speakers near the dance floor as well as near the dinner venue (for speeches). I could imagine that having worked in his outdoor kitchen before would be very helpful for a caterer who knows what they can easily cook in that kitchen. Many venues don't provide any facilities of note for the caterer, forcing them to bring their own heat or in some cases, their own water! Interestingly, the wineries were some of the worst in this regard, not even providing tables for the caterers to work on. Vine Hill was actually one of the best, with an outdoor oven, refrigerators, tables, and even a table off to the side for the staff to take breaks. Straus Home Ranch was also one of the better ones, having recently remodeled the barn to include a luxurious (in relative terms) space for the caterer. Even they didn't provide heating facilities though, indicating the caterer would bring their propane stove or whatever they needed to provide a hot meal, and use it outdoors. In the end, most venues have a list of preferred vendors, but if you want to use someone outside the list they allow it but require a prior visit by the vendor. After touring so many, though, I could see why having familiarity with the set-up would be very helpful.
Wedding factories vs. the personal touch
My third wedding tour was to Deer Park Villa in Fairfax. The venue was beautiful, with a spot for the ceremony under redwoods, a place for cocktails nearby, and spacious indoor spaces for people to hang out or for games. They even had a separate location for rehearsals to take place. She also showed me the catering location, very near but hidden from the ceremony spot, and described the "flip" that would happen after the ceremony and before the dinner while people are having cocktails. This helped me understand how important the "flow" and timetable of the event is, and having someone there to shepherd things along would be very helpful. This was one of the places that not only required you to use their vendor but had a bar tab minimum for each person, on top of the highest venue fee of anyplace I saw. They also had a beautiful bridal cottage, but charged extra for it. There was a wedding there a couple of hours after my tour, so I was able to see how they had it set up and even see the bride and groom taking their "first look" photos. But the feeling that I walked away with is that this place did weddings 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. They offered discounts for Sunday-Friday as well as for the less desirable winter months, but they never closed! That, along with the high price, made me feel like it was a factory churning out weddings vs. someone who would make it a personal goal to make your special day go smoothly.
It also helped me appreciate some of the things I'd heard about at Rosewood. How she did one wedding a weekend, so you could hang out all day if you wanted and drop off your rentals the day before and pick up the day after (vs. some venues make you pick them up the same night, which the rental companies charge a lot more for). It also helped me appreciate the comment Ann made at Rosewood, how she included many things so "what you see is what you get" in terms of inclusions, vs. other places that "nickel and dime" you so what might appear to be the cheapest price isn't always so once you add in everything you need. In addition to the bridal cottage, she included chairs and tables for dining, wine barrel tables or hightops for cocktails, a bar for the cocktail party, signage, etc. When I was there it was a Friday, and the wedding party for the next day had already dropped off many rentals, including patio furniture, "champagne" linens (vs. the black or white normally provided by the caterer), and special decorations inside the large tent. This allowed me to gain an appreciation for all the rentals you would need to arrange (and pay for) if you held the wedding at a location that wasn't set up for it (e.g. our house!). For instance, a local rental company charges $13 for each chair!
To help you appreciate the inclusion of the bridal cottage, here are a few photos:
Rain plans
Even though Katelyn was trying to schedule her wedding between May and October, we have had rain storms in those months, especially lately. Some venues have a covered space that you could use for all the parts of the event, such as BBSG which had a covered space for dining that could be turned over for dancing if needed. The most prepared was Rosewood, who had purchased alarge tent, or Vine Hill, who rents a tent for the "shoulder" months and spreads the cost out between all the weddings booked during those months. Straus, with the large barn that was normally used for dinner and dancing, could probably accomodate the ceremony there, but as Katelyn said "who wants to get married in a barn?". The wineries were the least prepared. In some cases they had a wine cave that was big enough to seat people in, but usually they didn't have another indoor space that could be used for the ceremony in case of rain. Gloria Ferrar has a covered space called the "Vista Pavilion" so that was a good option, in addition to the wine cave which is available for dinner and dancing. Since renting a tent at the last minute is very expensive, this was definitely a consideration. Of course, in the summer months extreme heat is also a concern, but Katelyn was mostly looking at the Spring or Fall months.
Conflicts with others in the space
During my last three tours, all at wineries, I definitely gained an appreciation for "private" spaces, like Vine Hill and Rosewood, which were people's homes with spaces set aside for wedding venues. The wineries don't close their tasting business for your wedding, so their solution is to book it later (e.g. 5:30 earliest), which means you are less likely to have the public still lingering in the space (most close at 5). Both Abbot's Passage and GunBun directly steer you around the tasting room so that your wedding is not near the public, and they even went so far as to say they didn't want your wedding guests arriving early to taste wine. After she explained it I understood, it makes it challenging to "close" when some people are lingering for the wedding, and they don't want guests to get sloshed BEFORE the wedding. They were very creative in how they used the space, in the case of GunBun one of the venues available was through the wine cave, and was basically a large patio and lawn space overlooking the vineyard on one side and the pond beside it. I thought the patio outside the tasting room was a more pleasant venue, but either it was too small for the guest list we were considering, or they didn't want people to mingle with the public. Interesting! It does make for a later start time, though, and since most weddings take around 6 hours it means you're going later into the evening.
Staffing
I definitely appreciated the "bonding experience" our family had with Anujin's during their wedding, where we decorated the barrel room before the rehearsal dinner and then cleaned up together after the wedding. That's the way our family is, just pitch in and get it done, and it was nice to see that her family and friends were the same way.
But not everyone wants to do that, and I definitely gained an appreciation for the staff provided for many of these venues. From BBSG, where the manager of the space would arrange for his wife to be your "day of" wedding planner if he was booked as your DJ, to Vine Hill who said that usually there were 12-15 staff helping with your welcome drink, guest book, gift table, serving drinks and dinner, cleaning up, re-arranging the space to turn the ceremony spot into a dance floor, etc. He was also clear that usually a gratuity was paid to these people. Something to think about when it comes to budgeting for the event!
Views
While most wedding venues are attractive in one way or another, I definitely gained an appreciation for the photo opportunities at each of the places. In many they had unique views from the ceremony spot, which of course is an important set of photos. For Straus Home Ranch, they offer one view that overlooks the bay, and another that is amongst the mature Cypress and Eucalyptus trees. For Gloria Ferrar, you are looking down on the vineyards and across to the mountains on the other side of Sonoma. It was near the end, as I was leaving GunBun, that I realized the orientation might be important. For instance, facing west, as GunBun does, mean you can easily get sunset photos, vs. the setting at places like Rosewood had the ceremony looking out over a field, and you had to take a ride to get sunset photos. Definitely makes the scheduling of the event even more important!
Places to stay
It was during the Straus Home Ranch tour that I really started thinking about where guests could stay during the wedding. They are unique in the venues I toured in that they allowed guests to stay in the home for the weekend, so you could definitely make the event into a whole weekend! They rent the original home on the ranch as part of the venue, and during the off-season it's also a vacation rental, so it was well set up and included beautiful views from the top story.
There was a separate "calf house" (literally the original use of the space before it was remodeled) that could be used by the bride and groom or anyone else wanting privacy. They also had four AirBnBs within walking distance, and many others in the nearby area. Considering this venue is in a remote part of the coast, that was pretty amazing. Compared to most of the other venues, where guests would stay at hotels in the area, it could make for a whole different feel to the event. You'd have to think about budget though, as you were paying more for the venue because of that. Presumably your guests would be paying to stay elsewhere, so they would chip in. Katelyn was searching for a location within 1.5 hrs of SFO for the convenience of her out of town guests, and she was also thinking about what part of Sonoma County people would see on their way to and from the venue. For instance, Vine Hill House would be taking guests to Santa Rosa to stay (likely) and then back and forth to Sebastopol. Not the most attractive part of Sonoma County! But hopefully people would stay a few extra days and we could include some before and after event planning so that they could experience all the beauty offered in the area.
Food and Drink
Since there is a plan to serve dinner after the wedding, Katelyn cares A LOT about the quality of the food. After all, that's one of the reasons she wants to have it in Sonoma County! Many caterers use local sources for their food. In fact, at Vine Hill, he told me the name of the farmer from whom they get many of their ingredients. He even gave an example of a menu that included apples picked that morning from the Vine Hill orchard, and served in a salad. Another venue that offered unique food is Straus, where they offer (for an additional fee) Straus ice cream to be served to guests as part of the dessert. Where else can you include a product from the literal land you're getting married on to be served to guests? Of course, Katelyn will be trying food from the caterers she is considering, and we can always include local food (olive oil, homemade jam, etc.) as part of the wedding favor.
One consideration, though, is the convenience of the set-up for the caterer. While it's their job to provide a quality meal under the conditions provided, I have to believe they charge you when the food prep facilities are lacking and require them to pack in a lot more equipment. This will definitely be a part of the next step, learning more about catering and the options available, and at what costs.
In terms of drinks, Katelyn doesn't plan to make alcohol a large part of the wedding, but as you might expect, a winery venue requires you to purchase a certain amount of their wine as part of the deal. At most places it's 1/2 bottle per guest, which isn't too bad. At most places, you can bring in other wines if you choose, and take home any leftovers from your required purchase. Given the couple plan to serve wine at their wedding anyway, this isn't a large distinguishing factor in her choices. But the quality of the wine matters. As her local wedding tour taker, I was offered wine to taste at the wineries, and in the case of Deerfield Ranch, he gave me a whole bottle to take home!
Several of the tour guides said that of course the bride and groom were welcome to serve their "signature cocktail" (I didn't even know that was a thing!), but many limit the availability of hard liquor. At Straus and others, they specify "no shots allowed". I guess the post-Covid wedding experiences included a lot of hard drinking, so they had to take that stance.
Bride and Groom accommodations
Apparently many wedding venues have jumped on the bandwagon that the bride and groom might want to relax on-site before the event. At a minimum, most provide a place for the bridal party to do hair and make-up, and take photos of the "getting ready" process. The extent of these accomodations varies widely. At the first place I toured, BBSG, there was a room provided for each of them, convenient to where they would need to be when the procession started. But it was small, likely to only hold 2-3 people and was not well-lit nor scenic. Contrast that with Rosewood, where she remodeled a whole cottage for the bridal party and invited them to stock the fridge with food and drink so they were well-nourished and well-hydrated when the wedding started. I appreciated that, because in my experience the bride and groom don't get much of a chance to eat or drink at the actual wedding. The wineries make use of whatever space they have, in the case of Abbot's Passage it was the "flower room", which was on the side of the tasting room and didn't provide much room nor privacy. At GunBun you could rent "Mary's House", an entire (original) house built in the early 1900's, designed by the same architect that did the "Wolf House" of Jack London fame. Definitely unique "before" photos could be taken there! At Gloria Ferrar they reference the "large conference room" that the bride would have use of. But remember at the wineries they only allow you onsite a few hours before the ceremony, so don't WANT you to hang out in the space they provide. Others that did a nice job of this included Straus, where you had the whole house, and Vine Hill, where you also have use of an entire house for the day. He also stated that all your personal items (e.g. heirloom decorations or gifts) are placed inside the house as they are cleaning up the event, and I appreciated that. It definitely was an indication that this guy has learned a lot in his 25 years of experience. Some examples of the bride and groom quarters:
Investments
At every venue I felt like I was well-treated by the tour guide, and in most cases they were very personable. At Straus, I was given a tour by Michael Straus, one of the four children who helped turn the home ranch into an event venue to save it. He described their process for continually improving the property. In the Fall when they close for the season they already (in most cases) have a full calendar of bookings for the following year, so they have a good idea of their income. They prioritize a list of improvements, and implement them in the 5 months of their "off-season". An example of that was the barn, which appears like a weathered, authentic barn, but for which they put a radiant heat system in the floor, and added a nice kitchen for catering staff.
He indicated that on the list for next year was a "permanent" fire pit, complete with propane lines and permanent seating and landscaping, to replace the current wood-fire pit on the side of the driveway. Not only will this provide a more attractive location for guests who want to hang out and roast s'mores, it will be safer. Michael indicated he no longer lets guests tend the fire, I could imagine that when you mix drinking and the possible inexperience of city-born guests, it could get pretty scary.
Both GunBun and Abbot's Passage have nice patios and walkways, but the barn at GunBun was downright scary. Large cracks in the uneven floor, I can't believe they actually charge money to rent that space. I guess you make do with what you have, and continually balance the cost and benefit of improvements to the space.
Ann, the tour guide at Rosewood, did a great job of pointing out the improvements she had made and was quite open about their cost. From the luxurious portapotties (30K) to the large tent that served as back-up in case of rain and provided one of the choices for dinner and dancing locations (40K to rent for a weekend). The gardener in me also appreciated the fact that she had surrounded the entire venue with a deer fence thus had beautiful gardens that would provide plenty of photo opportunities, and even in October there were flowers in bloom. She said they did a hard prune in January/February to make sure the flowers were in bloom when wedding season started in May. I also heard that they had a luxury ATV that the bride and groom could use to get around on the property for "sunset ridge" photos. She was very proud of the recently remodeled bridal cottage, which was available all day for the bridal party to get ready or just hang out, and a lesser cottage for the groom (not as many mirrors, more entertainment like ping pong and darts). Since she only scheduled one wedding a weekend, people could drop stuff off the day before and not have to empty the whole place on the night of the wedding. I was there on a Friday, so the wedding gown was already hung and steamed and ready for photos, the attendants gift bags and comfy slippers were already there, and the fridge was full of food to ensure the bridal party was well-nourished by the time the wedding happened. This gave me a real appreciation for a venue that allowed you to "make a weekend of it" vs. arrive a couple of hours before the event for photos and that was it.
Hall of the Above
I haven't mentioned much in terms of Hall of the Above, which is the new name chosen for the old bank building on the corner of Petaluma Blvd. and Washington. Some of you might know it as the "Seed Bank", since it was recently used as the home of the heirloom seed store, one of my favorite places to shop! It's been empty for years, so I was thrilled to read that it would be re-opening in late 2024 as an event venue and location of community gatherings. I attended the open house they hosted in mid-October, and arranged for a tour soon after. I love the look of that building, and since it's such a central part of Petaluma, what more iconic location could you choose for a wedding? It includes many unique features, such as a 100-year-old elevator still in use, many rooms downstairs, and a mezzanine that looks down upon the great room. I was conjuring all sorts of visions of Katelyn's wedding and reception here, but she very much wants to get married outdoors, so this one fell low on the list. Below are some of the photos of the space, in case anyone is looking for a unique venue.
Thanks for your patience wading through all this learning. As you can imagine, it's been a busy few weeks. I can't wait to help on any other wedding tasks Katelyn needs me for!
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